Holding Space: More Than a Meme.
A Guide to Emotional Support and Self-Compassion.
Yes, I know. The phrase ‘holding space’ is - for better? for worse? FOR GOOD? - now forever associated with the Wicked press tour.
But what does the phrase that launched a thousand memes actually mean…and how do you do it?
Put simply, holding space means being present for someone (including yourself) without judgment, advice, or pressure to fix anything. It’s about creating emotional safety to sit with something, exploring and experiencing, without rushing to solve.
Holding Space For Others
When someone is struggling, our instinct is often to try and solve the problem. This is partly because it is hard to see another person in pain or discomfort. We want to take those feelings away, especially when it is someone we love or care about.
Sometimes, too, it is because we might do things differently to that person, and we hope that our perspective and experience might help them take a short-cut to relief.
But sometimes, when someone voices a struggle, what they really need is for you to be with them in their experience. Having someone bear witness to how we are actually feeling is powerful, and can help us drill down into what we actually want and need. It can allow the person to identify the right path for them.
How To Hold Space For Someone:
Listen without interrupting: Let silence be okay
Validate their emotions: Even if you would respond differently, simply stating that you hear their frustration, confusion or hurt can show that person you are really with them
Resist the urge to fix: Ask if they want advice before offering it
Stay present: Don’t check your phone or mentally rehearse your response
The aim of this is not to take away their pain, but to show them that they don’t have to carry it alone.
Holding Space For Yourself
Now, this is the part most people find hardest. Especially people who put a lot of their energy into caring for others.
Holding space for yourself means noticing your own feelings and thoughts – yes, the painful ones; yes, the uncomfortable ones - without rushing to change them, blame yourself, or pretend everything is fine.
What This Looks Like In Practice:
Pause: When you're overwhelmed, stop and take a few breaths
Acknowledge your emotions: ‘I’m feeling anxious right now, and that’s okay’
Avoid self-judgment: Treat your feelings as valid, even if they’re uncomfortable
Create rituals of care: Make yourself a cup of tea, listen to a favourite piece of music, or just sit quietly with yourself
Remember that you deserve the same compassion you’d offer a loved one, especially in your hardest moments.
Why This Matters
Taking the time to engage with what is really going on for you is a vital part of emotional well-being, and a powerful act of self-compassion. It can:
Help you regulate your emotions more effectively
Build stronger, more authentic relationships with yourself, and with others
Deepen self-trust and emotional awareness.
Reduce reactivity, shame, and burnout.
Holding space isn’t always comfortable, but it’s powerful. You learn to feel without fixing, and to connect without attempting to control and coerce.
Remember
You don’t need to have all the answers. And you don’t need to fix anyone, yourself included. Sometimes the bravest, kindest thing you can do is just be present.
